Saturday, March 12, 2011

3/12 Birthday Bash Entry

Title: A Spoil of Wishes
Genre: Contemporary Fantasy
Status: Finished MS

Shae leaned back in her chair, letting out a long, low breath. She hadn’t been this stuffed since her last visit three months ago. Her usual breakfast, when she had anything more than a cup of coffee, was just a yogurt or a muffin. Occasionally she had a bagel with cream cheese, and that was filling. But her grandmother Elsa never let her get away with eating so little when she visited.

Today’s breakfast, served out on the porch in honor of the warm spring weather, was scrambled eggs, sage sausage, and French toast made from a fresh loaf of cinnamon-raisin swirl bread and drizzled with all-natural maple syrup. The orange juice was freshly squeezed and full of pulp; the jams were homemade from berries grown on Elsa’s property; the coffee made from fresh grounds. Had there been a cow anywhere around, no doubt the cream would have been fresh as well.

“Is that all you’re going to have?” Elsa asked, eyeing the remnants of the morning feast that still dotted Shae’s plate. That was her way of saying “you’re too skinny and should eat more,” and Shae always took that as a compliment no matter how Elsa meant it. Shae loved her grandmother very much, but she wasn’t ready for the plump, adorable grandmotherly look yet. Elsa was always making little comments about Shae’s lack of appetite and her inability to eat well as though anything Shae consumed back in Philadelphia was somehow tainted because it wasn’t homemade.

“I don’t think I could eat another bite,” Shae said, trying not to think about how many hours on a treadmill it would take to burn off everything she had eaten. That’s what the gym membership was for, after all—not that she ever actually went, but that’s what it was for. If she had time to go to the gym, then she had....

And there we have the first 312 words, as per the contest rules over at Gabriela Lessa's blog. Happy birthday!  Hope it has been great so far!

has his birthday on 3/15, but he's not having any contests because of it.


Juliana L. Brandt said...

ohmygosh, I want that breakfast. Shae is a completely believable character, even in just the first 312. The contrast you've made between her and her grandma is fantastic and really helped draw me into Shae.

Kate Larkindale said...

I'm hungry now!

Good opening, although perhaps a little too heavy on the details for an opening scene. I like the insights into the characters though, and how different they are. It sets them up for the inevitable conflict that is to come.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Juliana very believable. I have the same problem with my opening I start with details which isn't as engaging as action but some stories start that way and there is nothing you can do about it!

Tanya Reimer said...

Nice job. It read so easily that I was disappointed when I got to the 312 word. I was sucked into this world. Just love the details. It is not too much, it's very real, gave me a sense of how she sees the world.

Now, I write urban fantasy and I love all fantasies, but contemporary fantasy is one I don't know, but clearly need to. This was great. Send me and email so we can dicuss this genre at length, I'm soooooo curious.

Oh and happy b day on the 15th hope it rocks.

Gabriela Lessa said...

Ok, now I'm hungry... Great post, Wes! Good luck! And happy early birthday!

Gabriela Lessa said...

Congratulations! You are one of the 12 finalists! Your entry has been forwarded to guest judge Lora Rivera. The 3 winners will be announced on March 30th. Thanks for entering the contest and giving me the chance to read some great writing! Good luck!

Wes said...

Wow! Thanks for the feedback and comments, everyone! Just got back from a quick weekend trip (opening my aunt's beach house for the season), and found this awesome news.

Part of the breakfast was inspired by actual events: the French toast is something I had made. I'll need to dig up a picture of it and post it.

Richard said...

Congratulations on being a finalist. Good visual writing.

Ivy Hawthorn said...

Congratulations!!! Thanks for your comment, by the way. I replied :)

I really liked this snippet. It was fun and already i have a feel for your writing. Which is great!!! I love when that happens! I wish I could read more...and now I'm hungry! :D

Thanks again for the help on mine! It totally made my day!

Gabriela Lessa said...

Happy birthday! On the right day now!
I was wondering if there's an email address I could use to contact you? Kind of need to run something by you....