Monday, March 21, 2011

Another Contest

Cause one contest is never enough--the more you enter the more you win. Or the harder you make the judges work to pick someone else. Something like that.


This week, we have this dealio going on over at Brenda Drake Writes . . . under the influence of coffee.


Post the first 250 words of your story, get some reactions (hopefully) and post some comments for others. Then submit the entry via email.

So away we go!

Name: Wes Ford
Title: A Spoil of Wishes
Genre: Contemporary Fantasy


Melalain watched in silence as her apprentice toiled away at his work. He was still young—How old had he said? Twelve years? She had lived too long to be aware of age anymore—but quite capable. His current project was not something a first-year apprentice could usually handle, but he was deft at the art of carnomancy. It wasn’t a particularly dangerous assignment, either. There was only a small chance that it could be fatal.


She monitored his progress from the observation balcony that circled the workshop. His hands danced through the proper patterns and his voice intoned the ancient words of power. He was doing very well so far, and a smile touched the witch’s face.


      He was a curiosity, this new apprentice. Lorian Mickaya, the child of a Djinn and a dryad. Any Djinn-child would make a rare and worthy apprentice, but the combination of the bloodlines made him unique. Some day Lorian would complete his apprenticeship and take his father’s place as the Djinn—a granter of wishes, a shaper of reality in a fashion—but he had to stay alive until such a time that he could protect himself. His father, for all of his power, hadn’t been able to.

       He drew the ceremonial knife across his chest, a single gash in the flesh above the heart, drawn deeply. He didn’t even winced from the pain. He just held the knife over the cauldron to let the blood dripped into the bubbling mixture.

        Thick, scarlet vapor exploded from the cauldron, swallowing his rhythmic chant with a menacing hiss.





Wes
will note that he did a little editing to his beginning based on some of the other feedback he had received earlier. Thanks, again!

4 comments:

Margay said...

Hey, Wes, this is a pretty solid beginning. In the second to last paragraph, however, you wrote "winced" when it should have been "wince," and 'dripped" when it should have been "drip."

Katy said...

This is very cool, Wes. I have to admit that I don't read a lot of fantasy, but this feels accessible and I'd certainly keep reading. I love the descriptions ("his hands danced through the proper patterns and his voice intoned the ancient words of power" and "drew the ceremonial knife across his chest, a single gash in the flesh above the heart" especially), and the voice strikes me as wise and intelligent. I noticed the same little typos as Margay, but other than that, I don't think I'd change anything.

Wes said...

Typos...this is what I get for last minute changes before posting. Thanks for the comments!

eeleenlee said...

I'd like to know more about their relationship, although this is very early in the story. The details are nicely sketched and the rules of magic are well-defined